Navigating Choppy Waters: The Art of Conflict Resolution

4 Keys to Resolve Conflict

As I write this, America approaches one of its most treasured holidays: Super Bowl Sunday - a cultural touchdown where football fanatics, casual observers, and commercial connoisseurs unite in a glorious display of American passion.  How passionate are Americans about football?  Per Nielsen, the NFL accounted for 93 of 2023’s 100 most-watched TV broadcasts. 1 

We are enormously entertained by this athletic conflict.  And while the game will be played on Sunday, this championship was actually won last summer.  More accurately, this game was won through a process that began almost one year ago when team administrators began assembling the team; bringing players and coaches in and letting others go.  This game was won because of the work the players did in the off-season and the accuracy of their preparation and execution in-season.  This game was won by weathering storms and navigating negative niggles.  

The Super Bowl is an “event” for the observer, but it is a “process” for the participant.  This is also true of the conflicts in our organizations.  In reality, conflict resolution isn’t an event.  Resolving conflicts is something you began long ago.  It is the culmination of multiple inputs and it is the quality of those inputs that has the greatest impact on the effect of the penultimate moment.

Those of you who are here looking for a quick fix may be disappointed.  But instead of offering a bandaid, here is something more promising:  a formula.

(P+N)-E=R

P = Preparation

N = Negotiation

E = Ego

R = Results

Let's dive into the math. Don't worry, unlike high school algebra, you'll actually use this.

I understand that a portion of you may actually use algebra in your careers. I don't mean to offend all ten of you!

Preparation: Resolve Tomorrow's Conflicts Today

To advance beyond pacifistic rhetoric, we must get real about our relationship with conflict.  As a leader, ask yourself, how do I generally view conflict?  Something to avoid entirely?  Something to ignore?  Something only immature or unsophisticated people produce?   A drag on our productivity?  

It's a universal truth: where there are people, there will be conflicts. However, what if I told you that conflicts aren't simply a necessary evil in the workplace but rather the untapped potential for team growth and development?  No matter how much we would want to work in utopia, at some level, within someone’s soul there is discord.  Once we accept that, we can have a healthy and realistic relationship with dissension.

With conflict a constant, we should want to become experts at using conflict to our advantage.  So where do we start?  Let’s start by cleaning up one common misconception:

There is no such thing as constructive criticism

Cambridge Dictionary:

To construct is to build, to form something whole.  Synonyms include elevate, produce, and compose.

To criticize is to express disapproval of someone or something.  Synonyms include attack, condemn, and denounce.

To construct is to raise up.  To criticize is to tear down.  Constructive criticism then, is to attempt to create and destroy at the same time.  This is a colloquialism that excuses and rationalizes the behavior of lazy leaders.  Embracing this pivot replaces the ineffective use of criticism with the more comprehensive and powerful practice of coaching.

Negotiation: A Symphony of Empathy

Conflict resolution is a bit like conducting an orchestra. You’ve got different instruments (personalities) playing different tunes (opinions), and somehow, you're expected to create a harmonious symphony (productive work environment).  Steven Covey writes, "Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.”2 He's telling us that a violin and a trombone can make beautiful music together.  Covey continues with, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."  The statistics back him up – 90% of workplace conflicts can be defused if we just take a moment to truly listen.3

Did you know? According to a survey by the Harvard Business Review, 85% of employees at all levels experience conflict to some degree, with around 29% of conflict resulting from personality clashes.4  According to a survey by the American Management Association, 67% of conflicts in the workplace result from poor communication.5

Conflict resolution is a negotiation.  The art and science of negotiation is a topic requiring its own time and space, but a slice of it can take you a long way.  Four of the world’s best universities have produced negotiation models:  Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and MIT.  Taking ingredients from each to produce the slice:

• Create a connection (Harvard)

• Acknowledge emotions (Stanford)

• Identify shared values (Yale)

• Use distributive and integrative bargaining productively (MIT)

  • Distributive: without interruption, allow each to express the points that are most important, even inflexible.

  • Integrative: without interruption, give each side an opportunity to point out the elements that are flexible.

Some conflict resolution theorists believe that distributive bargaining is unnecessary in that it results in zero-sum or win-lose.  We propose to supersede that opinion with the deliberate implementation of psychological safety.  Psychological safety is not an impotently diluted culture.  It is an environment where individuality is respected and leveraged for innovation and human connection.  By that standard, leaving distributed bargaining out creates dilution.  

To mediate conflicts effectively, consider Daniel Pink's insights from his book "Drive." Autonomy, mastery, and purpose are crucial. Allow teams to have autonomy in resolving minor conflicts, master communication skills, and remind them of the overarching purpose.  Pink elaborates, "People need autonomy over task, time, team, and technique.”6 Translation: a culture that encourages open communication. It's like giving your team members front-row seats to an improv show – everyone's voice is heard, and the punchlines just keep coming.

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer

Okay, so the word “enemy” is a bit strong, but Sun Tzu’s famous quote is a potent concept in establishing an environment where conflict resolution can thrive.  It is not necessary to become best friends with everyone on your team.  But recognize that antagonism is the great wall of culture.  Conflict resolution requires persuasion and it is far more difficult to persuade where enmity exists.  Get to know people personally.  Once you drop your ego, you’ll find most to be quite likable.

Simon Sinek, the maestro of leadership, reminds us that great leaders are willing to sacrifice their personal interests for the good of the team.  "It's not about being right, it's about getting it right for the team!  Leadership is not about being in charge. It's about taking care of those in your charge.”7 So, when conflicts arise, it's not about wielding a baton and demanding compliance; it's about facilitating a collaborative dialogue. 

Conflicts As Opportunities: Malcom Gladwell's Outliers Moment

Malcolm Gladwell pointed out that it takes roughly 10,000 hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field.9  Apply this to open communication, and soon your team will be communicating so seamlessly, they'll practically finish each other's sentences.  When conflicts arise, it's not the time to hit the panic button. Instead, embrace it as your Outliers moment – an opportunity for your team to put in the practice that will make them true masters of collaboration.

According to a Gallup survey, teams that focus on their strengths are 12.5% more productive.10 That's where the magic happens—using conflicts as opportunities for growth.  Consider, while many companies continue to force motivation through only extrinsic rewards, an intuitive $10m company could add $1.25m to their bottom line simply by upskilling their strengths focus!

Remember, successful leaders turn conflicts into growth opportunities. It's like turning a cactus into a bouquet – thorny at first, but beautiful when you handle it with care.

Conclusion

As we navigate the waters of conflict resolution and relationship building, let's remember that conflicts are not the villains in our workplace drama; they're the plot twists that make the story interesting.

Footnotes

1. https://www.sportico.com/business/media/2024/nfl-posts-93-of-top-100-tv-broadcasts-2023-1234761753/

2. Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press.

3.  https://www.niagarainstitute.com/blog/workplace-conflict-statistics

4. Harvard Business Review. (2023). Workplace Conflict Survey. Retrieved from: https://pollackpeacebuilding.com/workplace-conflict-statistics/

5. American Management Association. (2023). Workplace Conflict Survey. Retrieved from: https://pollackpeacebuilding.com/workplace-conflict-statistics/

6. Pink, D. H. (2009). Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Riverhead Books.

7. https://simonsinek.com/quotes/

9. Gladwell, M. (2008). Outliers: The Story of Success. Little, Brown and Company.

10. Gallup (2023) How Employees' Strengths Make Your Company Stronger. Retrieved from: https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231605/employees-strengths-company-stronger.aspx